By the time I will have finished this blog, I will have gained at least one Jackson. Which is pretty nice. Coming out of college with no debt over my head, i feel blessed to sitting in my office chair. I feel extremely lucky to type this blog at one of the fortune 500 hundred companies. But in all honesty, I do not feel content. My heart keeps telling my self, I am capable of more, i want to do more, i need to do more, i must do more! I feel no satisfaction at all earning 600 dollars a night without having done anything. Its as if, i just sat here and people threw money at me. I feel worse than a stripper or even a prostitute. At least these ladies ( and gents) have to work for their money. Sure, society looks down upon this profession, but at least they have to do arduous labor of some type to earn the Jackson from someone's pocket. I on the on the other hand, will be sitting here, going from size 33 to 35 in matter of months.
I wonder why i took this job in the first place? oh yea, the jacksons! Which is nice, really nice now that i have accomplished my goal of $xx.00. But this is just the beginning. I can be greedy ad go for more. I can probably ask for a vacation and return in july and get paid, then double what i currently have. But who wants to do that. The last time i chased money, my father ended up paying lawyer fees in order to get collision damage money; that was just me chasing 10 bucks. I took this job, I must reap.
I didn't want to start that early, i wanted to wait after April 5th to start. But i figured, i should not wait. I should take this job and try to focus on the most important test of my life a little less. Everything works in gods favor. A weak ago, I received my results for the second time. The weeping, depression, anger and uncertainty have all come through. Thoughts that perhaps, I am not capable and I am not worthy and perhaps that I don't even want to do this have all come forth. But i know deep down the child in me will never quit. I will never quit! I will become what i have set out to be. I will become the instrument of GOD that saves those that perhaps society has given up on. By using my hands, I will become the hand of GOD. By using my hands, I will become the beacon of light for so many! Sure, I will not be able to save everyone, but i know that i am not in control of that. I know that Krishna could've avoided the entire Mahabharat, but he choose Arjun to do his work. I know that I am not Arjun, but I surrender myself into your hands. Guide me on the path to do your work.
HRHRRRHH!
HKHKKKHH!
